it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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