So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
