I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
