At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
