Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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