He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think my moral compass just broke
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