hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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