I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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