How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
organizing the empties. That sober.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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