i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
