Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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