Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
