I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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