I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Couch. On fire.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
