Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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