I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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