I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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