I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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