Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
