She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
