3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize