you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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