I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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