They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Two words: blizzard sex
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
