i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
