Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
