i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
