Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
