so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
