# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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