I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
