Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
