Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
