My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
