All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
