Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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