she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
