So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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