fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
