she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
