I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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