there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
