I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
