Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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