i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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