she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
