sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
