If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
