please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
