Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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